People far and wide have long used their bodies as canvases to express cultural identity, community status, connection to ancestors or gods — and to mark rites of passage or to ‘wear’ a permanent amulet.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
IRONIC JOKES
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Airplane Jokes
RULES OF THE AIRWAYS
Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first!
Everyone knows a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But a 'great landing is one after which you can use the airplane again.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
Was that a landing or were we shot down?
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Trust your captain.... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.
A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!
Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw!
Gravity SUCKS!!CARPENTER JOKES
A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Murphy. The boss thought I'm not hiring that lazy Irishman, so he decided to set a test for Murphy, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." So Murphy says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three tree's. The boss says, "What the hell's that?" Murphy says, "Tree 'n tree n' tree makes nine." Fair enough, says the boss.
Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and says, " How on earth do you get that to represent 99. Murphy says, " Each tree's dirty now! so it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree n' dirty tree, dats 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says, "Alright, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." Murphy stares into space again, then he shouts, "Got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "There ya go sir, 100."
The boss looks at Murphy's attempt and thinks 'Ha! got him this time.' Go on Murphy, you must be mad if you think that represents a hundred."
Murphy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now you've got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, an' dirty tree an' a turd, which makes one hundred, when do I start me job?CARPENTER JOKES
Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
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